Why Your Child Needs to Experience Frustration

Why "Fixing" Your Child’s Feelings Might Be Holding Them Back

As parents, our primary instinct is to protect. We see our children struggle with a difficult puzzle, a transition to bed, or a "wrong-colored" plate, and we jump in to smooth the path. We want to stop the crying, hush the frustration, and keep the peace.

However, in our quest to keep our children happy in the moment, we might accidentally be depriving them of the very tools they need to be successful, resilient adults.

The Purpose of the Struggle

Emotions are like muscles; they require resistance to grow strong. When we prevent a child from feeling frustrated, we aren't "saving" them—we are pausing their development.

If a child never experiences the discomfort of a boundary or the "boredom" of falling asleep independently, they never learn the vital skill of emotional regulation. Regulation isn't the absence of big feelings; it is the ability to navigate through them and come out the other side knowing they are okay.

Support Through the Struggle, Not Around It

In my work as a gentle sleep coach, I see this play out every night. Parents often feel that if their child is protesting or frustrated during a sleep transition, something is "wrong." Our instinct is to jump in and "over-assist"—perhaps rocking all the way to sleep or providing constant distraction to ensure they never feel a moment of discontent.

But sleep is a vulnerable transition. It requires a child to manage the frustration of "I’d rather be playing" or "I want things to stay exactly as they were" and turn that into "I am safe and I can handle this quiet moment." Being a gentle sleep coach means we prioritize support and connection through the process. We aren’t leaving them to navigate these big feelings without a plan or a safety net. However, we have to be careful not to "shut down" their protest by fixing it for them. If we constantly intervene to stop every tear, we inadvertently tell them: “You’re right, you aren’t capable of handling this feeling, so I’ll do it for you.

Building the Bridge to Adulthood

The goal of parenting isn't to raise a child who is always happy; it’s to raise a teenager and an adult who knows what to do when they aren't happy.

• If we prevent frustration now, they may struggle with academic or social setbacks later.

• If we stop every tantrum with a distraction, they may struggle with anxiety or impulse control as adults.

• If we allow the emotion, we give them the gift of competence.

How to Support Without "Fixing"

Allowing your child to feel their emotions doesn’t mean you are being cold or distant. It means being a calm anchor in their storm. Instead of saying, "Don't be sad" or "It's fine," try:

"I see that you are really frustrated that it's time for bed. It’s okay to be mad. I am right here, and I know you can handle this."

By sitting with them in the discomfort rather than trying to make it disappear, you are teaching them the most important lesson of all: Feelings are not emergencies. They are temporary, they are manageable, and they are the building blocks of a resilient life.

Ready to get started before the tank hits empty? Book my Sweet Dreams Starter Call today.

Yours in sleep,

Tracie / Rest Well Baby

www.restwellbaby.com

Tracie Kesatie is a Certified Gentle Sleep Coach dedicated to helping families with little ones 0-10 years of age achieve a restful night's sleep.

Disclaimer: This article provides general information and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your pediatrician for any concerns about your child's health.